When attending a Greek funeral, understanding the specific Greek funeral traditions and etiquette is crucial for showing respect to the deceased and their grieving family. Greek funerals are deeply rooted in the Greek Orthodox Christian faith, emphasizing prayer, remembrance, and the soul’s journey. Familiarizing yourself with these customs will help you navigate the solemn process with grace and compassion.
The Wake (Parastas or Parastasi): Preparing for Farewell
The wake, often referred to as Parastas or Parastasi, serves as an initial opportunity for family and friends to pay their respects before the main funeral service. This gathering typically takes place at a funeral home or, less commonly, at the family’s residence.
During the wake, the casket is usually open, allowing mourners to view the deceased. It is a time for quiet reflection, prayer, and offering personal condolences to the immediate family.
Etiquette for Attending the Wake:
Dress Code: Adhere to conservative attire. Dark colors, especially black, are traditional and appropriate.
Condolences: Approach the family to offer your sympathies. A simple “Zoi se sas” (Life to you) or “Sas syllipoumai” (My condolences) is customary.
Viewing the Deceased: If you choose to view the deceased, do so respectfully and briefly. Some may make the sign of the cross.
Gifts: Flowers are generally acceptable, though some families may request donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. Check for specific instructions.
The Funeral Service (Nekrosimi Akolouthia): A Sacred Ceremony
The main funeral service, known as the Nekrosimi Akolouthia, is a profound and moving ceremony conducted in a Greek Orthodox church. This service is rich in symbolism and prayer, focusing on the resurrection of Christ and the hope of eternal life.
The service typically begins with the casket brought into the church, often led by a priest and chanters. The liturgy includes hymns, scripture readings, and prayers for the repose of the soul.
Key Elements of the Funeral Service:
The Eulogy: A close family member or friend may deliver a eulogy, sharing memories and celebrating the life of the deceased.
The Kiss of Farewell (Telefteos Aspasmos): Towards the end of the service, mourners are invited to approach the open casket for a final farewell. This often involves kissing an icon placed on the deceased’s chest or the casket itself.
Kolyva: A dish of boiled wheat, nuts, and sugar, Kolyva is often distributed at the end of the service or at memorial services. It symbolizes the cycle of life, death, and resurrection.
Etiquette During the Funeral Service:
Arrival: Arrive punctually, ideally 15-20 minutes before the service begins.
Seating: Immediate family typically sits in the front rows. Visitors should sit behind them.
Participation: While standing is common during parts of the service, you are not expected to know all the responses or hymns. Stand when others stand, and sit when others sit.
Photography/Videography: Avoid taking photos or videos unless explicitly permitted by the family.
The Procession and Burial (Tafi): Committing to the Earth
Following the church service, a procession often leads to the cemetery for the burial. The coffin is carried, usually by pallbearers, to the gravesite.
At the gravesite, a brief prayer service is conducted by the priest. The coffin is then lowered into the grave, and family members may place a handful of dirt or flowers into the grave as a final gesture.
Etiquette for the Burial:
Participation: You are welcome to attend the burial, but it is not obligatory. Many may choose to leave after the church service.
Respectful Silence: Maintain a solemn and quiet demeanor throughout the graveside service.
Offering Support: Your presence alone is a significant comfort to the grieving family during this stage of Greek funeral traditions.
The Makaria (Meal of Consolation): Gathering in Remembrance
After the burial, it is customary for the family to host a Makaria, or meal of consolation. This gathering allows family and friends to share a meal, offer further support to the bereaved, and reminisce about the deceased in a more relaxed setting.
The Makaria is not a party, but rather a continuation of the mourning process. It provides an opportunity for community and shared grief.
Etiquette for the Makaria:
Attendance: If invited, it is respectful to attend. Your presence offers comfort.
Conversation: Engage in gentle conversation, sharing positive memories of the deceased. Avoid overly boisterous behavior.
Condolences (Again): You may offer your condolences to the family again, especially if you didn’t have a chance to speak with them earlier.
Memorial Services (Mnimosyno): Ongoing Remembrance
Greek funeral traditions extend beyond the initial burial, with several memorial services held at specific intervals to remember the deceased and pray for their soul. These are significant events in the Greek Orthodox faith.
Three-Day Memorial: A small service held three days after death.
Nine-Day Memorial: Another service commemorating the deceased, often with Kolyva.
Forty-Day Memorial: This is a particularly important memorial, believed to coincide with the soul’s final journey to judgment. It is usually a larger church service, again with Kolyva.
Annual Memorials: Services are often held annually for several years, or on significant anniversaries, continuing the tradition of remembrance.
Attending these memorial services, especially the 40-day and annual memorials, is a profound way to show ongoing support for the family and honor the memory of the departed.
General Etiquette for Greek Funerals
Beyond the specific stages, a few general guidelines will help you navigate Greek funeral traditions:
Expression of Grief: Open expressions of grief are common and accepted, particularly among women. It is okay to show emotion.
Condolence Messages: Simple, heartfelt messages are best. Focus on sharing sympathy and offering support.
Children: While children are often present, ensure they are old enough to understand the solemnity of the occasion and can behave respectfully.
Mobile Phones: Turn off or silence your mobile phone during all services.
Conclusion: Respectful Participation in Greek Funeral Traditions
Understanding Greek funeral traditions and etiquette allows you to offer meaningful support and respect during a time of profound sorrow. By observing the customs of the Greek Orthodox faith, from the solemnity of the church service to the communal comfort of the Makaria, you demonstrate your care for the grieving family and honor the memory of their loved one. Your thoughtful participation is a true testament to your compassion and understanding during these sacred rites.